So, I am a person who... likes being heard. Hence the blogging. However in real life, I rarely bottle up my feelings. If I am unhappy, you will probably know about it. Right now, keira definitely knows about it. And will know about it when she gets home and checks my blog.
Do you know what term I hear so much, but I really really despise? "I am falling for him/I fell for him/etc." Cause you know what? It's total bullshit. And yes, I know it's fucking lochlan. I'm not a dumbass. I know who is, though. he is! =D
Your life is not a fairytale. or a movie. So hush.
PS I still love you, just I am uber pissed off today, and i need to blow off some steam. I think I'm gonna go smoke a bowl.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
And you. Both of you, actually. Stop being so fucking concerned about what other people think about you. At least once a day I hear the words 'i dont wanna do that cause then everyone will look at me and just be like what the fuck'
or 'oh i wont cause then she'll think im an idiot'
or something along those stupid, scribbly lines. Do you know what? Thinking about what everyone else is thinking is unhealthy. Just live, fer fucks sakes. And I'm sure if both of you weren't so self
fucking conscious, then neither of you would have the big stupid problems you have now.
I hate girls.
or 'oh i wont cause then she'll think im an idiot'
or something along those stupid, scribbly lines. Do you know what? Thinking about what everyone else is thinking is unhealthy. Just live, fer fucks sakes. And I'm sure if both of you weren't so self
fucking conscious, then neither of you would have the big stupid problems you have now.
I hate girls.
fuck. my. life
So, this past week has just been really really horrible. First, dad and julie break it off. Might be temporary, might not be. whatever. Second, shit goes down at work and now I have my sunday hours cut. Lovely. Then, on monday, I stayed home for period one and two so that I could sign for my cellhpone. That was probably the only good news I had this week. Tuesday, was band, and then amy and I lost all our badminton matches, and it was also double math. Yesterday, I missed the bus cause my alarm clock is a dumbass, so I had to ask warren to drive me, which is really really unfortunate because I hate doing that when it's not really necessary. Then I had to work till 10. I have two giant social projects due on monday, and I have no time to do the partnered one with sarah because we're both too busy. Today, for some reason my alarm clock was 2 and a half hours ahead, which i don't understand. I woke up at 9 o'clock and texted mallory, and then she stopped responding. Then I texted louann, and she didn't even respond at all, then I texted warren, and he doesn't either. So I ask a certain someone if they can ask warren or one of them why they aren't responding and if they can come get me & such, but no, sorry, I saw them in math so that means that I can't go and find them cause I can only see someone once per day. So, I am still at home, and have given up on trying to get to school because, well, theres no way in hell that I am walking down there for the last 10 minutes of english. I have a band concert tonight, as well, and the school is going to call me and dad is going to flip shit cause i didn't just walk. well, you know what? it's fucking cold out. I was not going to walk. I work tomorrow as well and have to take my learner's test with sublah. My dog is very scared of me right now, because I have been randomly screaming fuck all throughout the day cause i am extremely angry. at the top of my lungs. Oh yeah, and last saturday I was supposed to go to the party, but i thought warren was drunk already so I gave up, so I went to keira's house instead. turns out they dropped by about 10 minutes after I left. Not that I had a bad time at keira's house, it was amazing. movie was amazing. just that i really. really. really. really. REALLY needed to get drunk that day, because too much shit was going down. and I do today as well. thumbs up.
FUUUUUUUUUCK!
excuse me while i murder a baby.
FUUUUUUUUUCK!
excuse me while i murder a baby.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
HOLY FUCK DAD DONT DO THIS
ARGGHHDFSADFDZVSFD DFGVADFVDA
WHAT A DUMBASS. HE MIGHT BE BREAKING UP WITH THE BEST FUCKING THING THAT HAS HAPPENED TO HIM SINCE MOM DIED. SRSLY. AND HES ACTING LIKE A CHILD AND SCREENING HIS CALLS AND WHEN SHE CALLS, OH NO! HE JUST LETS IT RINGGG. FUCKIN A. HE IS SUCH A CHILD, AND THEY BOTH SAID STUFF THEY ARE NOT PROUD OF, BUT SHE WANTS TO FORGIVE HIM, HE DOES NOT SEE IT THAT WAY. WHY ARE MEN LIKE THIS. WHY? AND SHE CALLED LAST NIGHT, I ANSWERED IT CUZ HE WAS ASLEEP. HE LOCKS HIS DOOR AND FUCKING TELLS ME TO TAKE A MESSAGE. HE IS AVOIDING HER ON PURPOSE AND I REALLY REALLY DO NOT LIKE IT AT ALL. HOLY SHAT. TODAY IS AN ANGRY SONG OF THE DAY. DO YOU KNOW WHY? IT'S CAUSE I'M ANGRY. AT MY FATHER. GRRRR..
PS I'M GETTING A FUCKING CELLULAR TELEPHONE AND ITS GONNA BE HERE ON MONDAY PROBABLY. AND I CAN'T. FUCKING. WAIT.
REBEL ON!
This pretty much sums up what I think of my dad right now. Keira, actually read these lyrics.
Master Passion Greed - Nightwish
Who the hell are you to tell me
What to do, why to do, why bother
Leech in a mask of virtue
Such waste, to ever think of you again
Hey Judas, your Christess was our love
Hit and run, your will be done
Never sorry, never wrong
More more more more more
Master passion greed
"Hello. How are you?
Let me explain one thing.
All for her and more for me
Why is it so hard to see?
I see no sense in doing this
Not enough for me
I fuck up everything but let me explain."
Some day you shall flee,
Panting and weak
Master passion greed
All within me gone but pain and hope
Hoping that the pain would fade away
Greed, your master passion
I Feed the mouth that bites me
Mammon, opiate of the masses
The reek of your lies draws flies
Seek her
Seduce her
Tame her
Blame her
Have her
Kill her
Feast on it all
With awakening the tears will begin
To my everlasting shame silence took me
Actually, to make up for you, I'm going to put another semi-angry song about how i kinda feel right now.
Bye Bye Beautiful - Nightwish
Finally the hills are without eyes
They are tired of painting a dead man's face red
With their own blood
They used to love having so much to lose
Blink your eyes just once and see everything in ruins
Did you ever hear what I told you
Did you ever read what I wrote you
Did you ever listen to what we played
Did you ever let in what the world said
Did we get this far just to feel your hate
Did we play to become only pawns in the game
How blind can you be, don't you see
You chose the long road but we'll be waiting
Bye bye beautiful
Jacob's ghost for the girl in white
Blindfold for the blind
Dead siblings walking the dying earth
Noose around a choking heart
Eternity torn apart
Slow toll now the funeral bells
"I need to die to feel alive"
Did you ever hear what I told you
Did you ever read what I wrote you
Did you ever listen to what we played
Did you ever let in what the world said
Did we get this far just to feel your hate
Did we play to become only pawns in the game
How blind can you be, don't you see
You chose the long road but we'll be waiting
Bye bye beautiful
It's not the tree that forsakes the flower
But the flower that forsakes the tree
Someday I'll learn to love these scars
Still fresh from the red-hot blade of your words
...How blind can you be, don't you see...
...that the gambler lost all he does not have...
Did you ever hear what I told you
Did you ever read what I wrote you
Did you ever listen to what we played
Did you ever let in what the world said
Did we get this far just to feel your hate
Did we play to become only pawns in the game
How blind can you be, don't you see
You chose the long road but we'll be waiting
Bye bye beautiful
WHAT A DUMBASS. HE MIGHT BE BREAKING UP WITH THE BEST FUCKING THING THAT HAS HAPPENED TO HIM SINCE MOM DIED. SRSLY. AND HES ACTING LIKE A CHILD AND SCREENING HIS CALLS AND WHEN SHE CALLS, OH NO! HE JUST LETS IT RINGGG. FUCKIN A. HE IS SUCH A CHILD, AND THEY BOTH SAID STUFF THEY ARE NOT PROUD OF, BUT SHE WANTS TO FORGIVE HIM, HE DOES NOT SEE IT THAT WAY. WHY ARE MEN LIKE THIS. WHY? AND SHE CALLED LAST NIGHT, I ANSWERED IT CUZ HE WAS ASLEEP. HE LOCKS HIS DOOR AND FUCKING TELLS ME TO TAKE A MESSAGE. HE IS AVOIDING HER ON PURPOSE AND I REALLY REALLY DO NOT LIKE IT AT ALL. HOLY SHAT. TODAY IS AN ANGRY SONG OF THE DAY. DO YOU KNOW WHY? IT'S CAUSE I'M ANGRY. AT MY FATHER. GRRRR..
PS I'M GETTING A FUCKING CELLULAR TELEPHONE AND ITS GONNA BE HERE ON MONDAY PROBABLY. AND I CAN'T. FUCKING. WAIT.
REBEL ON!
This pretty much sums up what I think of my dad right now. Keira, actually read these lyrics.
Master Passion Greed - Nightwish
Who the hell are you to tell me
What to do, why to do, why bother
Leech in a mask of virtue
Such waste, to ever think of you again
Hey Judas, your Christess was our love
Hit and run, your will be done
Never sorry, never wrong
More more more more more
Master passion greed
"Hello. How are you?
Let me explain one thing.
All for her and more for me
Why is it so hard to see?
I see no sense in doing this
Not enough for me
I fuck up everything but let me explain."
Some day you shall flee,
Panting and weak
Master passion greed
All within me gone but pain and hope
Hoping that the pain would fade away
Greed, your master passion
I Feed the mouth that bites me
Mammon, opiate of the masses
The reek of your lies draws flies
Seek her
Seduce her
Tame her
Blame her
Have her
Kill her
Feast on it all
With awakening the tears will begin
To my everlasting shame silence took me
Actually, to make up for you, I'm going to put another semi-angry song about how i kinda feel right now.
Bye Bye Beautiful - Nightwish
Finally the hills are without eyes
They are tired of painting a dead man's face red
With their own blood
They used to love having so much to lose
Blink your eyes just once and see everything in ruins
Did you ever hear what I told you
Did you ever read what I wrote you
Did you ever listen to what we played
Did you ever let in what the world said
Did we get this far just to feel your hate
Did we play to become only pawns in the game
How blind can you be, don't you see
You chose the long road but we'll be waiting
Bye bye beautiful
Jacob's ghost for the girl in white
Blindfold for the blind
Dead siblings walking the dying earth
Noose around a choking heart
Eternity torn apart
Slow toll now the funeral bells
"I need to die to feel alive"
Did you ever hear what I told you
Did you ever read what I wrote you
Did you ever listen to what we played
Did you ever let in what the world said
Did we get this far just to feel your hate
Did we play to become only pawns in the game
How blind can you be, don't you see
You chose the long road but we'll be waiting
Bye bye beautiful
It's not the tree that forsakes the flower
But the flower that forsakes the tree
Someday I'll learn to love these scars
Still fresh from the red-hot blade of your words
...How blind can you be, don't you see...
...that the gambler lost all he does not have...
Did you ever hear what I told you
Did you ever read what I wrote you
Did you ever listen to what we played
Did you ever let in what the world said
Did we get this far just to feel your hate
Did we play to become only pawns in the game
How blind can you be, don't you see
You chose the long road but we'll be waiting
Bye bye beautiful
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